This morning, as I sit down to reflect, I find myself pondering the inevitability of change in our daily lives. Attempting to anticipate the challenges ahead has become a coping mechanism, a strategy to navigate the day and alleviate stress, particularly for my children on the autism spectrum. However, managing this constant need for control has taken its toll, with conflicting advice from those who suggest letting go entirely and others who claim I’m not doing enough. Is there a happy middle ground?
The chaos that permeates our family structure, with four children on the autism spectrum, isn’t necessarily negative. Instead, it often translates into pure excitement and laughter. Take, for instance, the recent episode with my 14-year-old struggling to put on a shoe. Despite our attempts to guide him through his routine, hands flying, shoes scattered, he couldn’t discern the missed step. My wife and I suppress our laughter, not to ridicule, but to redirect his frustration and bring a moment of joy amidst the chaos. Yet, it doesn’t always work, and the misinterpreted laughter can trigger more turmoil, potentially ruining his entire day.
Similar scenarios unfold with my daughter and eldest son, each facing their unique challenges. Bedtime, a nightly source of stress, becomes a battleground where routine deviations can lead to frustration and chaos. But is this a daily occurrence? Sometimes. Is it overwhelming? Often.
How do we mitigate this? Sometimes, we must allow it all to play out, even if it means everyone is late for school. Given the unique needs of my children on the spectrum, I’m less concerned about tardiness or missed school days due to challenges like struggling with a shoe. Will they miss crucial information or fall behind in essential concepts? Unlikely, as they perceive the world through a different lens.
A recent conversation sparked the idea that perhaps children on the spectrum are ahead of the game, offering a different perspective on life’s evolution. While education remains important, missing a day because their world isn’t aligning might not be as detrimental as conventional wisdom suggests.
Reflecting on past experiences, a conversation with a principal revealed a stark focus on attendance rather than understanding the student’s feelings. Faced with meltdowns and quirks, we chose to withdraw our son from that environment and enrolled him in a charter school that embraced his condition. This change made all the difference, fostering an environment where he thrived and gained a better understanding of his emotions.
Change is a constant in life, and resisting it often leads to negative outcomes. I’ve witnessed the impact of failing to embrace change—depression, chaos, and various challenges that arise. It’s a sentiment I’ve expressed countless times: if what you’re doing isn’t improving your life, change is necessary.
For those embarking on parenthood or discovering their children are on the spectrum, I urge you to embrace change wholeheartedly. Dive into it like a pig into mud, for it might be the key to making sense of your life. Recognize that societal norms may not always work, and there are alternative ways to navigate this journey. Enjoy the process, for it might be the very thing that transforms your perspective.
Till the journeys end, my friend!